My way, my life

Phase out

2010-12-27T05:01:00.000-08:00

Well well well. Its the end of 2010. The supposed long and hellish year I was to face.

So, I'm here at the end, looking upon my tracks and contemplating all that I have, and have not, done throughout the entire year.

Well for starters, this year was an interesting journey of self discovery. I managed to grow up, even if it's just a little. I managed to get used to and accept the fact that chasing after recognition was pretty much pointless and useless. Once it has left, then unless chances come, no more. A madman's chase is no longer something I must ever do. Learnt to always point a finger at yourself, even if it seems like you're completely clean, since you either learn what or what not to do from everything that happens. I've seen just how selfish, and very occasionally selfless, I can be. How crude, yet gentle, I can be as well. (yes yes I do have a gentle side. Just depends on who you are) Till now, I still have the "want to be cool" streak in me, even though I have figured multiple times that I could not be so, and that it was pointless too.

Laziness was one of my greatest challenges this year. High flying for too long can really make one unwilling to flap their wings. Combating the all too alluring sensation of not doing work has been quite a failure. And now I'm being driven mad because I don't have work to do. Oh the irony. Sometimes in life, you really just have to suck it up, bite the bullet down and go. Better learn that...

I've laughed, cried, smiled, sworn, cursed, sighed, shouted, feared, stoned, been bitter, been excited, been depressed, been pained. You name it, I probably had it. Well except death of course. It has been a complete mess of colour this year. Stress was number one on the list, second would be thinking too much. And honestly, next year aint looking too good. I have stepped into new phases of life that are both fun and dangerous. I also have been able to understand when adults say that "you're too young". The meaning behind this phrase is something not beyond imagination, but definitely incomprehensible unless you've been there. I've made plenty of mistakes, some small, some big enough to result in lasting consequences.

God has blessed me to have a smooth year, with only my oversensitive emotional systems getting roughed up. Not much illness, there were problems that taught me more about how weak I am, and definitely happy moments too. However, the lesson I have yet to learn, is how to be happy. Sounds like a lifetime homework though. I have seen the kinds of challenges that we as Christians have to face, and caught glimpses of just how fragile the human heart can be. Of course, there is no denying the power of motivation and confidence stemming from the truths. As I said, this year is a colourful, contrasting one.

2010, I won't forget you. For being a total annoyance, a thorn in my side, but yet also for being a good teacher, and definitely a happy part of my life.

Flight

2010-09-14T02:50:00.000-07:00

I drag my feet in quick shuffles as I move through the bare streets. A cold gust of wind blows, chilling my body through my old clothing right down to my bones. My teeth clamp together in response to the bone-freezing chill, but I maintain my steely expression. Occasionally, one or two people would shuffle by, backs bent and eyes glued to the floor, wearing the same hard expression on their faces. No one dared make eye contact with each other, no one spoke. Greeting others was out of the question. Rude it may seem, but this was a form of protection we gave others and ourselves. Even the slightest nod of the head could cause you to be attacked by the secret police, who would drag you away into the depths of hell, never to be seen again.

I quickened my pace ever so slightly as I rounded the corner, praying hard that no soldiers were following me as I moved down the market. Or at least what was supposed to be a market. All that was present were empty carts and shops lined with bare shelves. Not a morsel of food was available for anyone, we were encountering yet another food shortage. Slipping my hand in my pants pocket, I fingered a slip of crumpled paper. It bore a message from a friend, Paul. Come to my home ASAP. I have something to tell you. That was all it said, but if anyone catches me with such a message, I could be arrested. My heart pounded hard as I neared the familiar door of Paul's home, once in there I would be safer and I can burn this slip of paper.

I tapped on the wooden door lightly, and in an instant I was invited in and the door was bolted shut. Settling down on a small stool, I watched as Paul served me a cup of water. His mousy-brown hair was unkempt, dark circles cradled his eyes and his calloused, bony hands trembled as he sat down next to me. The darkness of his messy home only served to escalate my worry, what was he going to tell me?

"So," I whispered, hoping no one else could hear me. The secret police had the frightening ability to hear through walls. "What is it?"

He did not answer. Instead, he pushed a sheet of paper toward me. Gingerly, I picked it up, and peered at the untidy scrawls on the crumpled white sheet. It was a map. A map of the western part of town, showing numerous alleyways, dots and most notably, the wall. The wall the kept us in, and the others out. I looked closer, the dots were labelled as soldiers. A large arrow snaked through the maze of alleys, ending at the wall. My eyes widened, he was planning an escape!

"Are you sure? We will die!" I hissed. Paul merely narrowed his eyes and asked, "Surely you don't want to stay here. Don't you want to see your family?" My heart ached at the mention of my family. Ever since that blasted wall was built, I had never seen my family even once. They were left on the outside, while I was left caged in here and made to suffer. My eyebrows furrowed as I thought of all the suffering I had to endure while living here, not having enough food, working like a slave and not being able to see my kin. The more I thought, the more I was sure that I wanted to get out. Even so, was escape even possible?

"I've been scouting, this plan will not fail. I will run, I risked my skin to draw this map. It's your choice to come." Paul folded his arms, indicating that his decision was final. He looked at me, waiting for my answer. I nodded.

"Good. We leave tomorrow night."

I sucked in my breath as my shoes scraped the dusty ground, the sound echoing sharply in my ears. Whipping my head around, I heaved a sigh of relief seeing that there was no one around. Paul was up ahead, the map clutched tightly in hand as he slid into a dark alley. I moved faster, getting separated could undermine this whole plan. I kept my head low, to enable myself to hide easily if needed. Even in the darkness of night and with a thick fog settling, I still felt utterly exposed, expecting to hear a soldier raising the alarm each time we made a new turn. My heart pounded wildly as we darted sliently through the alleys, passing wall after wall, following the planned route very closely. We struggled to stay silent, my muscles tensed at every sound I heard. The stress was immense, it was through sheer willpower that I kept my knees from buckling in fear.

Finally, we were at the last alley, the wall visible at the opening of the alleyway. Finally, we were about to complete the escape. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I envisioned us making a break for it beyong the wall. In my excitement, I kicked over a bottle. It clinked as it rolled, sending echoes of its movement resounding into the air. Pure horror and fear flooded me instantly as I heard the thumping of boots nearby, getting louder by the second. Paul and I darted behind a large trash bin. The soldier entered the alley. I heard the distinct shuffle of the rifle getting raised, and the thumping of his boots grew louder as he neared the bin. If he gets past the bin, we are done for. I held my breath as he approached, and Paul mouthed a prayer.

A cat sprung out from under the bin, speeding past the soldier's feet and bolting into the darkness. I exhaled slowly as the sound of his boots began to grow softer and eventually died away. Thank heavens, we were saved. Once the coast was clear, we sprinted toward the battered, 2 metre tall wall. It was poorly constructed at this part, providing us several footholds. Paul wasted no time and began to climb. I quickly followed suit, the thick fog was not going to hide our presence for very long. The nearest guard post at the top of the wall was only 20 metres from where we were climbing, but based on Paul's scouting, the guard stationed there was currently patrolling elsewhere, leaving us a narrow pocket of time to get over. Blood pulsed through my body, and my excitement grew as I neared the top of the wall. With an almighty heave, Paul and I launched ourselves over the top, and landed in one piece on the other side.

Waves of euphoria crashed through me as I surveyed our success. There we were, shaken, panting and sweating profusely but alive and well on the other side of the wall. We both broke into huge smiles, patting each other on the back for a job well done. Finally, I could live and see my family again, no longer would I have to live in fear. We stood there, drowning in euphoria and grinning crazily as we relished in our successful escape. Neither of us heard the dangerous click of a rifle overhead.

The gun fired. Immediately, my mind was thrown into a frenzied panic as I watched Paul collapse beside me, clutching his thigh and releasing an inhuman scream from his lips. His bright eyes turned hollow, and the colour drained from his face as a dark pool of blood grew from under his thigh. His screaming ripped the silence of the night into shreds. Reeling in fear, I gave in to instinct. I bolted, running as fast as I could to the town up ahead. As I tore down the empty square, my conscience began to unleash a torrent of guilt. He was my friend. He gave me the chance for freedom. He gave me a hope. Betrayal. Left him for dead. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as my conscience pronounced its judgement on me again and again. Paul's screams of agony continued to shatter the silence, and I jumped as two more shots were fired, one striking the ground near me and the other narrowly missing me by mere inches. Throwing all caution to the wind, I dove sideways into the first alley I saw, putting me out of the soldier's line of fire, Paul's screams filling my ears all the while. Another shot was fired, and the screaming stopped.

As I lay on my back in the dark alley, I watched the narrow strip of dark sky above me. My heart was still racing and my lungs burned as I gasped for air. The tears had stopped, and my conscience had fallen silent as hope of seeing better days began to blossom in my heart. At least, I could see my family again.

Ugh.

2010-08-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am annoyed. Whenever I think of something cool or awesome I can write on my blog, something that would be long and readable for at least me, I am either not at my computer or in a situation which would cause me to forget the idea. Its so annoying really, and yeah so here I am practically forcing myself to write something decent on this forsaken blog.

So its August. Technically I should be studying but for now I am choosing to ignore that responsibility. I havent finished any of my homework for this long weekend. This recent slip-up in my attitude towards my work has been causing much of a mental breakdown in me. Then one would say, what's the use of packing all these kinds of negative and harmful emotions and thoughts if you're not going to do anything about the problem at hand? Exactly my point, I am able to identify problems, but I'm usually too lazy to execute the necessary steps and procedures to resolve the issue.

Why? Because that would involve me having to stop whatever I may be currently doing and re-organise my command queue and proceed to engage my homework, which most humans would agree is a rather horrible thing to do. The sequence tends to go like this:

-Proceed to enter in fun activity. Activating necessary brain functions-
-internal priorities indicate that assigned work must be completed...restructuring programme to prepare for engagement in above mentioned priority...-
-command sequence overruled-
-sensors detect resistance from internal motherboards... attempting to reboot programme...-
-command sequence overruled-
-message received from central motherboard messaging system...-
-What the hell are you trying to pull huh?-
-Shut up. Lemme have some fun-
-Your exams are coming you retard. Get you butt moving you nut!-
-Quit messing with me. Shut up-
-This isn't the first time, you better get moving and hit the books or els-
-messaging link terminated-
-anti-virus programme activated...starting /guilty conscience/.doc...-
-You are about to shut down the central motherboard systems. Proceed?-
*hits the enter key*

So yeah thats pretty much what happens. I shall attempt to continue this some time later.

What is wrong with me?

2010-05-30T05:22:00.000-07:00

The different Chinese Ten Year Series from my brother has been sitting on my shelf since last year. A whole year plus, doing nothing but collecting dust. Not one of its pages have been flipped open since my brother last closed it after his use. And here I am now, on the eve of the Chinese o level exam, opening its pages in a final, desperate and pathetic attempt to do some form of practice just to ease my mind for tomorrow. I had 2 weeks of Chinese Intensive lessons, ranging from 3 hours to 8 hours everyday, and I just had 2 free days to do some final preps. But did I? Heck no. The Intensive lessons helped little. All they did was to give me an illusion of my Chinese improving. It is an illusion. There is no improvement.

And the cloze passage I just finished merely proved it. 3 correct answers out of 10 questions. Impressive score really. Most impressive. Second cloze passage: 4/10. I give up. Its an O level cloze passage and these are the scores I'm getting? I seemed to do much better on the prelim papers. Yes, the papers that are supposed to be much harder than O levels. Where's the logic in that?

I knew full well the consequences of my actions, yet I paid no attention. Well congratulations reality, you win. Take the cash and go.

No point trying so hard now. Regret and anger paint today's canvas. And the next person who tells me that I deserve it is so going to have their head blasted off their shoulders. Besides, its too late to tell me that now isnt it?

Things aren't going too well for sure. I have left out so many things, even the most important
one I also left out of the equation. Its a major flop. I forgot God in my equation. I happily chose not to care too much. I loosen up right before crunch time. All in all, it was just VERY bad timing on my part. Oh well, time to catch hellfire.

Time flies... WHY??

2010-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well, today Cleo and I were reminiscing about the old times of our lives. (I know it makes us sound old but whatever)

And when I think about all the fun times i enjoyed when I was younger, it makes me feel very sad that I most probably can never re-live them again.

Like the times I spent with my cousins as a young kid. I remember the times where we would coop up in a room all day and play computer games together on a single computer ( I remember vividly that I loved watching my cousin playing Rockman X4 and Pikachu volleyball) or we would play cards together or just talk rubbish. I recalled the time when they lived in a house with a large 2nd floor balcony and my dad would light fireworks (mini rockets actually) and they would fire up into the sky from a metal can. Then when a paper wrap from the rocket fell from the sky, my cousin said that its clothes fell off. That hilarious moment when we jumped onto the couch in fright in response to seeing a remote controlled stunt car. (I still remember that that was when I was still rather young and the gaming console we had then was a keyboard-like thing where your game was a cartridge that you had to stick into the top part of the computer keyboard thing) Or the time when they moved to a house that had a huge field and me and my eldest cousin were nearly rolling on the grass in laughter as we saw both our brothers attempting to fly a kite but failing miserably. Not forgetting the many times we would sit in front of the TV and play horror games together on the PS 2 and then get freaked out together in broad daylight. And the times where we spent day after day playing pretend and making up our own "trilogies". The days where we would spend an entire day in the family video rental shop, playing games and eating together on the same table while the adults ran the business. Those times where we bought the little packets that would explode after getting pressed and accidentally flinging it under the maid's chair when she wasn't looking =P. Or when we bought those styrofoam planes and kept flying them everywhere in the shop and simply turning the entire shop into our playground. And yes the times where I dreaded to take a bath in the shop's bathroom cos it was so far away from everyone and it was quite scary.

I miss those times. Nowadays we spend time on our own laptops, and I would be drifting around the house, moving from one cousin to the next only to find them playing their own games. That's how our visits are nowadays. The afternoons are spent either gaming by themselves or sleeping, while I would be either stoning, gaming alone on the PS or doing homework. Sometimes I feel that it is quite sad that we have actually come to such a point. Its a real shame that we've become like this after all that we have done together as children, but then again it would be rather weird to see a bunch of teens (ranging from 14 to 21 years old) playing pretend. But now we spend time together differently. We go out to watch movies together and go to the arcade, but only at night. So I guess we can still have fun, just not in the same way.

Oh and its finally April. Why is time so fast? I would prefer if it were still March. Soon it will be my mid years, then my chinese O levels. Oh no. I pray that God will help me to get cracking and get work done, and help me with my tests. The battle is about to begin.

This is weird...

2010-03-17T19:23:00.001-07:00

I have having very weird dreams lately. Really very funny but action packed dreams. At least I get to have some form of entertainment when I sleep. Heh.

Its the so called March hols now. With a nice load of homework and only 2 days left, one wonders how I'm going to pull this off. I guess its time to stay up till 4 again... Seriously, ever since the September hols last year, I have been staying up till 4am on the 2nd last official day to finish homework. Its not too shabby, and strangely staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning gives me a sense of satisfaction. (I know i'm weird 8D)

However there are other things on my mind now. Things that are yes stupid and weird. I wish I could stop thinking sometimes.

Just watched Alice in Wonderland yesterday with Cleo and the Com seniors. We were supposed to meet up at 12, but guess what. Only Jasmine came at around 12-ish. Rayna and Felicia came at around 12.55 and the movie starts at 1.25. We had a (rather) quick lunch at KFC before flying to the cinema. The movie wasn't too bad, the effects were good, but the storyline is a little bit broken, like how Alice would run after the rabbit and then suddenly be taken to a caterpillar. Imma be konfuzed. But overall it was rather nice to watch and i just love Cheshire Cat!

After the movie, the lot of us decided to walk to Cresecent from orchard. So we took a bus first to go to Orchard,then we began to walk. Jasmine went home halfway, and the rest of us continued. We got lost halfway, then Jasmine came down again to tell us where to go. Heh. Even if it took us a good hour ++ to get to school, it was very enjoyable.

A quote from me:
Time can heal most wounds, but time can create new ones as well.

My story 3

2010-02-01T00:57:00.000-08:00

Let it go, let it fly away into history...because it cannot be kept anymore.

It was like a pet, sweet and nice at many times, rather annoying at others, and overall rather tiring to keep controlled.

I held on... so tight, so tight. My grip has embedded into my skin, the scars of the bites and scratches remain as grooves and contours on my memory, sewn into my history. It was painful, but when the fun came, the scars were gone, as if washed away by the euphoria of random talk, playful banter and the occasion dumb streaks.

Yet, it is hard to take in that everything is really over. The leash-end is still with me, but where is the collar? Where is the head? Up in the clouds, miles from my eyes, eons from me. Never to return.

Hope inquired: "Perhaps all is not lost, given the time spent, a part, a fraction, a figment would still remain there. When chance allows for its return, things would probably still be fine."

Rationality roared: "FOOL. Time will wear down everything, whatever feeble foundation or scaffold you may have stubbornly built, time will erode it and it shall crumble to dust. Keep to yourself, foolish Hope, and see reality for yourself."

Sorrow spoke: "Please just stop, it's over, it's all over. Nothing can restore it, nothing. Just give up. The heart, she wants it back... so badly... she is pained by my seat there. But what can she do?"

Memory spoke: "At least the records are with me. If there is a need to remember the joyous times, she will be able to. We should take comfort in that."

The silence shall fall... and I must learn to release and move on to things more important.

Even yet, He still bothers.

2010-01-18T06:04:00.000-08:00

In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking.

This is definitely true, for I speak from experience. Why? For I learnt that sometimes, the best thing to do is to shut up. You may very well destroy a person with the words that you speak at the next instant.

Upon reviewing the past events in life, all I can conclude is that God is truly merciful. I mean, after all I have done and am still doing, I still am healthy (and not flattened by a lorry or car), have food, a family and a home, and a brain. Not to mention many blessings. Which really brings me to agree to what Sis Fang Yu said to me during theolo: God loves us to the point that He spoils us sometimes, just like a father.

Of course, He will not hesitate to correct when we go off, and if He does not correct at that moment, bear in mind that its only because He is merciful and is giving us a chance.

The path is not easy. No one said it would be easy. But we must all learn to press on, for if we truly believe and have faith, then God shall be with us all the way.

Gift of 2010

2010-01-11T04:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, its the year 2010. New year, new classroom (ironically STILL on the 2nd floor), new set of teachers, SAME homework, SAME amount of trash, MORE dumb stuff and chaos on the way.

Now, while we enter the new year, we all know that we should all "put the past behind" and "get on with the new year" and "start afresh". I'm quite sure we all have heard these cliche phrases repeated over and over and over and over again to us year after year after year after year.....

So, ignoring these dumb repetitions and the fact that people are actually bothering to waste their time to properly pronounce "2010", let us see what the so-called "new" year has to offer...

So, by year I am 16 years old. A real "sweet 16" I must say. I'm now a Sec 4, an age and status that I actually don't want to have. I'm sure by this time, the whole of Singapore must have heard of the crazy O level scores form our school. An achievement, yes, but it means double pressure for us. We would be expected to do better than the previous batch, so lets all hope that we (especially me)will work hard and not give the entire faculty cardiac arrest the same time next year.

For now my studies are fine (or at least I hope so), I hope all my Sec 3 concepts didnt go down the toilet. But I'm a human, I will forget things and make mistakes. So I NEED TO BUCK UP. No more slacking allowed, I must do my best to finish my work, and revise whenever. I'm exhausted yes, but I just have to do AT LEAST something. For crying out loud its only the second week of school and I'm already freaking out, O levels are not long away and I have to deal with Chinese, Amaths and Emaths. (Im currently trying to keep myself from cursing)

And yes by now you should have more or less deduced that my mind is under rather unusual duress.

So gift number 1 of 2010: A deranged and stressed mind

2010: 1 , Rachel : 0

What else you got for me 2010? Oh lemme guess, MORE school related stuff.

Gift number 2: An entire schedule of cramming for Os

2010 : 2 , Rachel : still 0

Please no more..., what you got more? Great.

Gift number 3: No time, exhaustion and fury all bundled nicely with giftwrap and a bow on top.

2010 : 3 , Rachel : STILL 0

Gift number 4: A progressively worsening life thereafter

2010 (and beyond) : 1000000 , Rachel : [Terminated]

So... I guess this new year really has lived up to its name, giving me 4 new gifts that pretty much is also given to everyone else.

May God see me through this stressful year. Long or short, its going to be a very hellish thing for me. I pray that He will hear my cries, even when I'm buried deep under or just one step short of an explosion. For if He does not hear me now, I will surely die. I pray that whenever I feel like saying "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that He will be merciful enough to reply that He will help me.

What is 3 years?

2009-12-26T08:34:00.001-08:00

What is 3 years to you? 1095 days? 26280 hours? Nothing? I don't know how you would think.

But to me? It's 63 days. (I shall not give credit to my brother for saying this)

Another year has ended, and so has another theolo. I definitely miss the noise and fun, but I must admit, it hasn't affected me as much as last year's.

Yes its still the same, waking up at 5 plus just to shower, then spending luchtime to slack or to mug, fishing for guppies and sometimes whales, praying and sometimes failing to concentrate. Haha I even had fellow fishermen with me in the front row :D Then somewhere in between, I got hooked to instant cereal and ate them by the packets (without water) as well as mayo on toast. (Theolo has awesome food combis trust me) Im glad I still lost weight, or perhaps muscle. I don't know. But Im happy that I need a belt now XD

I made new friends, got to meet old ones, met a nice and very funny preacher and had fun torturing the overseas people with durians =) Missed a birthday and celebrated mine with the first test in theolo along with fasting over 2 meals (awesome bday present eh?)

But I feel as if it was not as fulfilling as it once was. Why?

Perhaps its because I have had such a horrible faith this whole year, that most of my theolo was spent on complaining and crying out for something that is already there. Or just perhaps I havent been able to move out of Babylon. Sigh, what happened?

"It took the Israelites a day to move out of Egypt, but it took 40 years and more to move Egypt out of them"

Lord help me to continue in my prayer, and help me to stand on the breaches in my life. Teach me to love more, and help me to believe. I shall continue to seek God and trust Him. For those that wait upon the LORD will have their hearts strengthened.

For all I can actually do is to trust Him and be strong.

And then after lessons in theolo officially ended, we went on an outing, first to Vivo then to Henderson Waves. I daresay that I did enough walking to last me for a long while. Seriously, going to some huge mall with no aim can REALLY kill your legs. Then we found a ship called the Doulos (or whatever its spelled as) and Debby bought me a book. Had to get slick help to pay her back lol. Did jumpshots on the bridge and risked falling off the bridge lol.

Then we went back to church, played round-the-world table tennis and died, then woke the next morning to send the overseas peeps off. And yes we went to all 4 of the terminals in one day. I wanted to die. My legs were dying!

Sigh will miss all that are going off or have already gone. Lets keep in touch all!

(I know this post inst like the other ones that a thinking and whatnot, but everyone should have a boring post once in a while.) Now lets have some resolutions!

Resolutions:
Make Jennifer drink Milo + egg
Pray better
Stop eating so much >(
Mug more
Write to others
Grow up
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lemme decide the rest later ok? Its like 1 am and my bro is chasing me out of his room now so yeah. Ok then. uh. yeah. ok... yeah.

Another one

2009-11-12T05:27:00.000-08:00

Well, its now the long awaited Dec hols. I remember that I always looked forward to this 2 month long holiday every year when I was younger. Free to wake at any time, free to do whatever I want, supposedly free from school. Yet the irony is that I have been going back to school almost everyday for the past 2 weeks of the hols. Why?

Week 1: Have to go back for extra lessons to continue with the syllabus. And CCA. Turned out we are all dragged into some stupid project called the GreenLab project where we are supposed to create animations about the new comp lab in school called the Greenlab where everything is eco-friendly and well green. Almost literally. The carpet has what, 3 shades of green? One corner has a green bamboo wallpaper. Correction. Covered with a BRIGHT GREEN wallpaper. They are really taking this "green" issues really seriously. Really.

Week 2: Somehow my group is doing an introductory/ overview animation of the greenlab. And somehow we decided that "hey! lets submit our animation for a separate competition!" And the end result? A whole week in school again, plus some more on the way! Not that the project/competition/I-don't-know-what is horrid, but its really draining me. During a holiday when I'm supposed to be well rested. Oh the irony.

Then as I read through my past posts on this blog, it notice that during 08, I seemed to be quite a happy and lively person. Then what happened in 09? Gloom, dread, fear, random poems that no one can decipher. Perhaps I've become a bit more... I don't know, sad and emo? I seem to have been facing a lot of problems this year. My mother tells me that its because I think too much and have a too high expectations. Well she is right. I have been thinking A LOT this year. (Perhaps my brain is expanding :o) But I cannot deny the fact that I have changed quite a bit this year, apart from being just a slight bit more hardworking (trust me, procrastination never leaves you) getting great results (thank God for that, if He didnt help i would not be able to understand those concepts easily!)

I am growing up, but in a sort of unorthodox way perhaps?

Some people wish that life was a bed of roses... they are blind. Why do they fail to realise that underneath that bed of roses lies a sea of thorns?

Life is like a vacuum. It sucks. But when one is able to see the great works and love of God, all will be well. I wish to be able to see them soon.

Phew.

2009-10-16T01:35:00.000-07:00

Phew. After several weeks of getting stressed, not eating well, cursing my head off, procrastinating, wanting to murder people and then getting angry because I can't, the Final Year Exams are finally over. And yet, I feel a little sad. This means I'm one step closer to becoming a Sec 4, something I am sort of dreading. Also I (sadly and sorta weirdly) have become accustomed to always having something to do (say, a mountain of homework) everyday. Suddenly being thrown into a free period of time sorta unsettles me. Mainly because I sorta have forgotten how to wake up late on weekdays like today when I have no school. =P

Have I really become some workaholic that curses in the midst of the flood of work and then finds a time of peace super creepy? Perhaps. How stupid. Haha.

Well I am for one a little scared of the fact that I am almost finishing Sec 3 so quickly, especially when at the start of the year, I felt that this year was going to be very long. So much for long, now here I am out of the war with FYE, bored and tired. But the main reason why I'm scared? Cos of what's going to happen next year. O levels man.

During the last few weeks, I witnessed what the Sec 4's crazy preparations for their Os. It was mock after mock after mock and work after work after work. Study and cram like siao before prelims. Then mass lessons everyday, while going through prelim papers. Then after the Sec 4 farewell assembly (which I had absolutely no idea why we Sec 3's had to attend) they would just be cooped up at home studying, coming back for consultations and MORE mock papers and homework. At least that's how I see it from my perspective. Given how tired I am from studying, and just how annoyed I am for having to study I'm not looking forward to becoming a Sec 4.

And yes the start of 2010 will also mean even less drama for me.

But life must go on, and perhaps sooner or later I will be at the end of my Os and complaining how badly I did. Or something similar to that.

Grah I hope I don't get retained in Sec 3 though. Its far worse that becoming Sec 4.

I am also drifting very very far away from God. So much so that I no longer feel that He is there, even though He does make His presence known by helping me through my papers. I better buck up and clean up this mess. Clear out my hypocritical behaviour and profane speech. Its an ugly thing man. I'm worried that I might have already done something terribly wrong.

Question for everyone: should I drop core geography? I really stink at it right now. Give me an opinion!

A prayer

2009-09-21T02:36:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I have sinned against you one too many times,
yet you still keep me alive
and keep me safe.
Please help me to understand how you love
because I do not understand.

Please forgive my sins Lord,
and help me to run when temptation lurks
Please hold my hand everyday and give me strength
just so I will not stumble.

For I know I have no self-control
and am weak.
Please have mercy on me
and teach me, your face, to seek.

Please help my from my stress,
and help me to feel at peace.
I am very stressed and angry, Lord
my stress is like a beast.

It is eating me up and builds fury
and it brings me close to sin.
so please dear God, free me!
So that I won't die within.

Help me to see and feel that you are there,
that you will always be,
and to know that you will not abandon me
to leave me and not care.

And help me to count the many blessings you give me
so that with each that I count my faith will grow.
And that I will learn to be thankful,
all the way.

Keep me on the right path,
help me not to stray,
for as a human I will err
so please lead the way.

I know that I'm stubborn
and will often forget.
But yet even when I am far away,
You do not forget.

Please help me not to lie
and to mean what i say
So that I will not be a hypocrite
For from this you'll turn away.

Lord, a great battle is coming up
and I have not prepared
Please give me the strength to listen to you
and help me to start preparing.

Amen

Of Guinea Pigs and Unfulfilled Wishes

2009-09-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

Hush hush breakdown!

Swish swing shazzle bish bang boom.

Not in a particularly good mood for now even though today was rather enjoyable. Im procrastinating. NOOOOO. Im like pushing back all my work and studying even though I SPECIFICALLY told myself not to. Oh well. Self-control is not on my side today, nor will it ever be if I don't try.

Had Amaths lesson in the morning today. Apparently My Choy cut his hair even shorter, saying its more cooling and he can save shampoo and whatnot. Since I was feeling kinda rich, I paid Yap 2 bucks and dared her to say to him "Your hair looks good". (but the terms were only settled after much bargaining through the medium of passing notes in class) And yes she accepted it and went ahead with the task, thanking me for making her 2 bucks richer. hah. And after all the jokes were over, My Choy dumped us with more homework. RAR

Went to AMK Hub after changing my outfit (i wouldnt want to go out in school U.what if a teacher stalks me and catches me doing something st00p1d?). I arrived there like about 30 mins early and had to stone for a looong time with Jasper coz I had to wait for the others to come. We ate a very very quick lunch (we da-baoed macs) and then watched G-Force. (yknow the movie with the talking guinea pigs? Not too bad a movie, quite cute and funny) Unfortunately Jasper had to leave even before the movie started and then Sue Anne left after the movie, leaving me Amanda.C, Irvin and Wilson to wander around some more before I left for home.

Been surfing net ever since i reached home though I had originally planned to do some work. RAWR curse you lack of self control person! (which would be me)

Just

Just looking and waiting for a chance

just so you can notice me.

Just what is it that I am lacking?

That makes me transparent to you?

I tried to change my image.

No effect.

I spoke more.

I became loud mouthed.

I then spoke less (how ironic)

Even worse.

I appeared in front of you more,

but-

ERROR: MS WORD HAS CRASHED FOR THE WORD DOCUMENT Just.docx IS A PURE LOAD OF EMO TRASH. MS WORD WAS UNABLE TO RETRIEVE THE DOCUMENT. GOOD RIDDANCE TO YA. :D

Nuts to be you technology! (bashes computer)

REBOOTING....

I appeared in front of you more,

but I feel so dumb doing so.

Try to help, but get declined

I go to my other friends

but I still end up going near you.

Perhaps my little wish

will never become reality

But then again if I try hard

maybe I can strike a shot

wHOs Up fOr A gaMe of p00l PeEpz! (lol)

Nonetheless, my options I'll weigh

To go or to stay.

When I find the answer from my scales

Hopefully you're not in other vales.

I wish

2009-08-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

Now everyone has wishes. Some wish for money, others wish for fame. Some wish they knew it all, some wished that they forgot.

Wishing. A kind of request one makes so that their almost untouchable desires can be fulfilled. It is what many refer to as the shortcut to all your dreams. Sadly wishing can only take place as a request and almost all the time, our wishes NEVER come true.

If you had just one single wish for yourself, just one that would definitely come true, what would you wish for?

Some goody two shoes would wish for world peace (like that will ever happen. look at N.Korea, they're still firing dumb missiles and making a tonna noise for whatever reasons. I hear that a war might just happen. Hooray for us, we're all gonna die.)

Perhaps you would wish that there was no such thing as pain and suffering in the world (Feh. Without pain and suffering would you ever appreciate the things around you? Humans would never learn how to treasure things or even learn until they lose it. Just like deforestation and all that other environmental issues, they'll only stop when we die. Just when will man learn)

Maybe you would wish that you have a ton of money (but when recession comes its will become pieces of paper)

Whatever the wish is, its quite hard to achieve it. But hey, who said you can't dream and fantasize?

Hmm I wish... that I can get... (NOT TELLING YOU WHAT I WANT)

Well moving on to current events, common test is finally over. To be superbly and insanely honest, I didn't really prepare for it and yeah i have kinda of a bad feeling about it. But now I have something else (a lot of things actually) to take my mind off CT. ELEARNING. YES ELEARNING. Or Home Based Learning if u want to make it sound nicer. Im stuck at home with work. Id rather go to school really. Theres quite some work, but last year was worse.

Sigh life's is soo boring

A mother's love

2009-07-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

Prewetta was covered in sweat as she scurried around the kitchen, checking the fridge and cupboards making sure she had put all the essentials into the box. She glanced up at the clock. 11am. "I better hurry, or else Dan would miss his lunch." Then, after having made sure she had put all his favourites into the lunchbox, she rushes out of the door. Striding across the carpark with the lunch box in hand , she found her motorbike parked at its usual spot. Very quickly, she got on and sped off.

"Where on earth is she?" Dan cursed as his stomach growled again. His mother was late! And all his friends were nearly done eating!

"Hey Dan, you're not having lunch?" One of his classmates piped up. Dan gives her a brief smile before turning back to the gates, face contorted into a scowl. He had been expecting to hear the faint roar of his mother's motorbike for the past 15 minutes, but it never came. He swore loudly as yet another vehicle passed, apparently mistaking it for his mother for the umpteenth time.

Meanwhile, Prewetta was speedily approaching the familiar bend that meant she was not far from her destination. "I hope that Dan isn't too hungry right now." As she sped around the corner, worrying whether her son was getting stomach cramps, she did not see the black BMW that was practically lunging towards her. "Almost ther-" Impact. All she heard next was the screeching of tyres and the shattering of glass as she sailed through the air before landing on her shoulder with an almighty, sickening crunch; the lunchbox cluched tightly in her other arm all the while.

"I'm terribly sorry! I should have seen where I was going. I'm..." Who was talking to her? The shock from the crash had left her mind in a blank. She twitched her uninjured arm and felt a box. Dan's lunch! Just as the driver was about to check and see if she was awake, Prewetta shot up, nearly scaring the driver to death. "I'm fine!" Prewetta said, or at least she hoped she did, as she got up and limped to the school down the road. She heard the driver screaming about getting an ambulance and going to the hospital and that some miracle had just happened or something like that. That can wait, she needed to get to the school!

Dan was practically seething when he saw his mother finally walk through the gates. She gave a weak lopsided smile as she handed him his lunch gently. She expects him to eat after making him wait?! His friends were done long ago! His chest boiling, he slams the box out of his mother's outstretched arm. The lunchbox hit the ground with a deafening clatter, spilling rice, chicken and potatoes all over the tiled floors. "WHERE WERE YOU? NO POINT IN EATING NOW, MY FRIENDS WERE DONE LONG AGO!" With that, he stormed off. He did not notice that his mother's right shoulder was twisted at an odd angle, or that her pants were torn slightly or that her ankle was starting to swell. Nor did he see the hurt look that crossed his mother's eyes when he sent his meal flying. She had ruined his day, now he had to go to class, hungry.

Prewetta felt tears welling up in her eyes. She did not know why she was crying nor why she felt so hurt, it was just a lunchbox! No. She had ruined her son's day, and she had been rejected by him. Silently sobbing, she knelt to clean up the mess, ignoring the searing pain from her shoulder, and the odd constricting sensation she felt in her chest. As she limped painfully home, a small voice at the back of her head worried whether he would be able to endure his lessons on an empty stomach. Colourful spots began to cloud her vision, her chest began to constrict even more and throbbed, her breathing came out in short raspy breaths and a moment later, all went black...

It was only hours later when Dan saw the look of devastation on his father's face as he arrived home, did he realise that something had gone wrong. Terribly wrong.

"I just got a call from the ICU..."

My story 2

2009-07-09T03:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing's changed.
I'm still in a world of chaos and puzzles.
Solved? You wish.

I look up at the sky and wonder,
how long have I been on this wild goose chase?
just when, oh when will I learn to let it go?
There are so many other things to look at, to think about, to care.
So why am I still stuck on you?

I know well that when year-end comes, it will all be over.
No more chances, no more tries, no more glances
no more laughs, no more banters.
Should I try to take every remaining chance I have?
But is it worth it, to waste my time.
Fine, I'll try.
But now this is what I see :

Sure we talk, but what good is there anymore?
We speak of nothing but business.
I've lost the essence of it all.
You as well.
I've done enough, I'm through, or so I think
My determination lunges forth at the first chance, ready to strike.
But deep down I know, its not worth it, I shouldn't care.
These times, they'll fly away sooner or later. They won't last.
I still see you in the crowd, as always
I'm still standing afar, watching, waiting,
and silently cursing my stupidity.
Yet shamelessly clinging to a foolish hope, that perhaps, just perhaps
we can experience old times again.

Am I just trying too hard?
Maybe.
Grow up! Let go!
I beg myself please,
Or I'll never have my mind at ease.
Have I crossed the line? Just to impress?
Definitely. So now what?
I don't know. But I will retrace my steps,
repent and start over, if I can...

Now I'm at home and I wonder again,
my own kind is in danger.
No time to worry for this
So I'll put this down and see to the rest.
And whether I come back the same or not,
Well,
We'll see.

A wreckage of a reality check

2009-06-14T21:16:00.000-07:00

Just came back from the Choir trip to Sabah and im already missing it like crazy. We had too much fun there (even though we mostly just ate and slept).

But then again, as I was thinking about the the trip's events and the aftermath, I came to realise something:

I'm not as old as I think.

I've completely forgotten just how young I really am. There are many things that I want to do but I just can't because of my age and many other factors related to my age. Psh, 15 aint a big number, it still starts with a number 1. I'm barely at the start of my life, and I'm already becoming a wreck.

And then another realisation (the one I personally HATE the most) hits me as I think about what happened during the trip:

I'm just a little kid trying to break a glass wall that cannot be broken.

All this time I've just been existing, just here in this blasted earth with absolutely no significance whatsoever. I'm just a kid who is trying so hard to grow up, to be different amongst a sea of people who outbest at everything possible. Looking at everyone, I finally see how distant I am from them.

Sure I have my own social circle, but there are times when I can't talk to them, coz I dunno what to say to them. I'm not one to walk up to you and say "Hey, nice weather eh?" Being caught between being a young teen and a young adult stinks. My social life is a wreck, my emotions are a wreck, my faith itself is also in danger. I'm doomed for sure.

The conclusion I draw? Life is meaningless, and the best you can do is to go out with a bang.

Yet there are people dumb enough to think that life is great. (not quoting Great Eastern here) To me, there's nothing to look forward to in life. Only the LORD can save me now. Don't ever tell me to live life to the fullest because there is nothing to live for. Seriously.

And I am also rather annoyed because of the one who constantly hounds around me, trying to break through even though I'm clearly uninterested.

Someone, free me from my torment.

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For peo-ple need the Lord.

People need the Lord.

My story

2009-05-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

The bell rings. The class begins to end.
I check the time. 10am. I move off first.
Though my stomach growls, I know I move for a different reason.
The scene is crowded. People talk, shriek, laugh.
Its a sea of humans I don't know.
Last time, it ended in a good tone
The one before was average
I will make it different today.
I join the line and look around, no sign
my heart falls a bit, i sigh
a classmate shakes me awake, i respond. I look again. Still no.
then i see. A familiar figure. One that i can see even amongst this sea
My heart revives, i twist a smile
Im looked upon, and i turn, sure that my presence is noted
Then, a forceful slap to the shoulder. Jump Start!
Options display themselves, which to start with?
Remember, no boring today, a difference!
Those eyes gleam with excitement, and a hint of light insult
Well, two can play at that game!
I retort, it's received, a difference achieved.
News is relayed, I listen to the voice
A light tone to my ears, one that has left me in good moods for many a day
The fact that i am noticed, it makes me elated
At least I am not alone
Looking back, it all started with a simple self-introduction
Under a situation where both were under the same rules
the same game, and though they won the physical one
I took the first step of victory into the emotional one
but the bell rings again, i slip a mask on
a mask that betrays my feelings
for my heart sinks as goodbyes are exchanged.
But as i make my way back to class I give myself a little boost
I made today different
I will try again tomorrow

Teachers Are Awesome

2009-04-28T04:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, this post is not for me to go gaga over teachers and praise them to literal high heavens, nor is it a defamatory post (i promise). This is a small (actually very small) collection of what a school teacher (YES A TEACHER) does that can really make your day (or just make you go huh?) even if you are buried under a mountain of homework. =D (ok maybe not)

(all these are real okay! they're from me and my bro!! ^^)

Now, I have 2 math teachers (Amaths and Emaths duh). They're really nice people and I am quite happy to have them as math teachers because they really bother to actually teach us. (my other teachers are the same of course) But, what they say to us can usually be quite *ahem* sometimes...

It was a really hot day and yeah most of us were sweating in class. (I feel so happy to be sitting under 2 fans =D)

Amaths Teacher : *fans himself*
" Why is it so hot?"
*looks at standing fan that is blowing at the students and turns it to himself* (and thus depriving Khuzzie, Eileen and Chelsea of much needed wind)

Jolene : "So not gentleman!!" (of course in a polite tone)

Amaths Teacher : *shocked expression*
" Gentleman to students? No way!"

Class : -_-?!

Then our emaths teacher....

Emaths Teacher : "GIRLS, NO NEED TO BE SHY! MAKE SURE YOU LABEL YOUR DIAGRAMS OKAY!" *very happy expression*(hes not scolding us here)

Class : @_@??

Lols.

Then my brother's teacher was teaching his class about how to make a good presentation. He was telling them about the "Hook, line and sinker" method. (of course hook meaning to get your audience interested) But it didn't come out quite as he/she had expected....

Teacher : Now class, hooking is a very important skill.
(hilarity and chaos ensues)

So much for trying to discourage sick thoughts eh?

Then during our school twice-a-week mass run while we had to stop jogging to let the cars pass before crossing the road.

Mr M. (thats what all the students call him and he actually uses it!) : Okay girls stop here, theres a car coming from over there, a truck over here and Mr Choy standing there *gestures to mr choy standing next to him*

Mr Choy : *gives the WHAT? expression* "what??"

LOL. I hope he doesnt run us over.

I also heard of some really funny things from my bro. His school motto (or vision or whatever its called) is "Experiment, Explore, Excel" but apparantly one of the students changed it to become this:

"Experiment, Explode, Expel" (i guess thats what happens if you react a grp 1 metal to an acid)

Though school life is still crazy and stressful and crazy BUT ITS ALSO FUN! I mean without school about half of the drama in your life is gone!

ALL THE BEST TO THOSE HAVING MID YEARS!!!

Recycling

2009-04-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

Hey! I was bored and decided to recycle an old quiz. Yes its the 100 question thing. Im supposed to be doing homework but im really not in the mood to. So here it is!

.01. What have you been doing recently? Getting stressed

02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off? yes. most of the time actually

03. What happened at 10.00am today? was shopping at Jurong point with my family

04. When did you last cry? Guess

05. Believe in fate/destiny? Stuff happens. Period

06. What do you want in your life right now? A WAY OUT OF STRESS

07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood? i usually just RUN

08. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed? bolster.

9. What bottom are you wearing now? shorts. im at home.

10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say? Hi rachel how are you?

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated? well how would I know?

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? no.

13. What was the last movie you caught? Cant remember

14. What are you proud of? Nothing really

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say? Hi Rachel how are you?

16. What was the last song you sang out loud? A chinese hymn

17.Do you have any nicknames? umm

18. What does your last received text message say? DARN ITS DUE TOMORROW

19. What time did you go to bed last night? dont remember

20. Are you currently happy? ABSOLUTELY NOT

21. Who gives you best advice?my mom

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can? Eh?

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?no one.

24. Is anything bugging you right now? MID YEAR EXAMS!!! and undone homework

25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh? Rachael Yap

26. Do you wear toe socks?nope.

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?dont rmb

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?many times.

29. What annoys you most in a person? lotsa stuff.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone? Now why would i tell you that?

31. Have you ever done cocaine? heck no.

32. What is the colour of your room? its still a light shade of green

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars? -.-

34. Do you believe in the saying of : talk is cheap? not really considering its so expensive to just
use the phone...

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed? myself duh

36. Who was the last person to hug you? my mother

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed? i haven't kissed anyone. -.-

38. Do you have a life? come to think of it...no

39. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didnt die? no im not that much of sadist...

40. What is the reason behind your profile song? dont have one

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream? no one

42. Last time you smiled? just now

43. Have you changed this year? probably.

44. What are you listening right now? the fan spinning

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this? yeah. jolene

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed? Are you human?

.47. Is there a quote you live by? "The Lord will bless those who put their trust in Him"

48. Do you want someone you cannot have? yes?

49. Have you ever played an instrument? yea. pianoooo.

50. What was the worst idea you've had in this week? Wanting to commit suicide?

51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?sleeping...

52. Are you happy with your love life right now? dont have one

53. What song best describe your love life? idk.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her? o.o no

55. Who always makes you laugh?my dog

56. Do you speak other language other than English? yea, chinese lah and a bit of hokkien

57. Favourite website(s)? youtube, blogger, wikipedia

58. What's your middle name? dont have one

59. What are you doing tomorrow? Chionging homework duh

60. What do you think you are like? a loser

61. Who will you choose to die with? my husband if i ever have one

62. Where have you been today?home and other places

63. What game do you play often? I dont play much games anymore

64. Who are you missing right now? no one

65. If you have to choose between friendship and love, who will you choose? uhh I'll answer you
when i actually come to that situation

66. What are you doing right now?this 100 question quiz thing

67. Which primary school are you from? Rulang Pri

68. Name 3 colours that you like?black, white and blue

69. What emotion do you like to show?happiness.

70. What is your life to you? A PIECE OF GARBAGE

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do? keep quiet and punch the walls

72. Who did you last chat in msn today? Jolene

73. Who do you admire most?God

74. Which month are you born in?December

75. How are you feeling right now? irritated

76. What is the time now?10 pm

77. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is? nobody did.

78.What colour did you use to dye hair?i never dyed my hair before.

79. Why are you doing this test?because im bored

80. What do you do when you're moody?not say a word.

81. At which age you wish to get married? 24 maybe? not too late.

82. Who is more important to you?family.

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?talk to all them important people in my
life.

84. Who is the person you trust the most?my mom

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain? By the laws of physics, yes but i dont look for
one

86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be? dunno

87. What is your goal for this year? STUDY HARD

88. Do you believe in eternity love? i guess

89. What feeling do you love most? being happy.

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now? yea i guess

91.What feeling do you hate the most?worried-ness.

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?the close ones, yea.

93. Do you believe in God? of course

94. Who cares for you most?God.

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?God, family

96. What will you bring when you fight? a sub machine gun. or a ton of grenades

97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?lotsa stuff ):

98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you? like dying.

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you? idk, break?

100. HOW DO U FEEL NOW? stupid.

....

2009-04-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

Okay. This act of leaving my blog alone is seriously becoming a habit. But Ive gotten really busy...

Well heres what happened over the past month.

First of all, me, Cleo, Jinwei, Le-yi, Jasmine and Nadia joined this international website competition called ThinkQuest. Actually the competition started last year, but we joined in like at the start of the year. so we had like 4 months to complete it. Seems like a long time? Yeah right. well we slacked quite abit for like the first 3 months but 2 weeks before submission, we were rushing it like crazy. (well this scenario is not a stranger but it sertainly isnt very nice either) We spent the week before submission stayin back in school till we were kicked out, then proceeded to pull all nighters just to rush it. Well mainly Cleo and Jasmine stayed up. i could only manage till 11.30... and my flu got worse cos of it. But in the end we mangaed to churn out a rather nice piece of work though the site could be better. (all our interfaces were hand drawn okay!)

Then somewhere in between my common test came. They crammed like 3 stinking papers in a day and I would always be half asleep by the 2nd paper. Which would explain why i lost some marks in my bio paper ( i wasnt really thinking when i wrote the answers) but my results were cool (thank God) and so now im gonna prepare for mid years.

Great...

2009-02-16T05:03:00.000-08:00

Ok I 've neglected the blog AGAIN. Aw man.

In any case , i've become rather busy lately (in case some of you havent noticed). Stress has moved in next door to become a neighbour. He has an EXTREMELY INFURIATING kid named Homework. Homework has a nutcase of a sibling called Tests and a pet goodness knows what animal named Studying. Worse, they come over to visit me EVERYDAY, saying that its courtesy to spend time with a neighbour. Yup, its a real "nice" family. So nice that it just makes you want burn them to the ground, look at the ashes and ask who planted that lovely patch of "rare white grass" there. *smiles innocently*

Sigh. And I can't move out. The landlord, School, demands that I stay in my current flat and pay my bills in academic results until I am old enough to get a job (Weird currency dude!). My 2 good friends Slack and Play, pity me and try to sneak me out from time to time. And I have a ton of fun....until I find out that my next pay-the-landlord session is coming up and I havent prepared for it yet. (oh no) Occassionally I get a few weeks of rest, but the neighbours visit AGAIN. Sigh....

Please note that I have no idea what the above paragraphs mean. Cheerios~ =D

Phail !!!!! (Fail)

2009-01-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

Happy belated new year people. (yes yes my blog's gone stale and you'll probably start yakking at me like "are you dead?" or "new year's long behind you Rachel! Update yourself!") Whatever. This year's still new to me whether you like it or not. The previous post was a final attempt (albeit a desperate one >_<) to make sure my blog doesnt go TOO stale but i guess it didnt work...

Well lets see. What do i expect from this new year? Hmmm... Checklist time!
- Grow taller (done... by 1 cm)
- Meet new classmates and make some friends! (done)
- Mug more (ermmm...)
- Go crazy with seniors during CCA (done)
- Build up a better spiritual life (in progress but failing miserably)
- Resolve personal issues (...)
- Pick up a skill OTHER THAN talking garbage (*nervous laugh*)
- Go to Malacca (still waiting...)

Okayy, so i guess i dont really expect much from this year... other than the huge amounts of homework that can bury me and stress that will drive me nuts.... yeah i guess i'll survive (i hope)

In any case, I've taken a liking to this song!

Just Eat It (A parody of Michael Jackson's Beat it)

How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it (prrr)
Don't wanna argue, I don't wanna debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate ooh
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it, don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it , eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter , it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat iteat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, ooh
Your table manners are a cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food like it's some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it (prr)(burp)
You better listen, better do what you're told ooh
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole ooh
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat itI don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you have for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, (woohoo) eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken,(woohoo) have some more pie (woohoo)
It doesn't matter , it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana,(woohoo) have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Sigh.. no wonder people are over eating...

Man, its pretty fast, I'm already in Sec 3 and O levels are like what, next year? 1 year aint a long time, and i'm already beginning to feel the stress coming in. Also, some of the seniors that i have had fun together with during CCA or competitions are stepping down soon. Meaning the computer lab will have much less laughter and drama. Also, many ppl are going to army, meaning choir will soon be quiet and kinda puny in size. Sian.... oh well there are some things in life that you just cant change, and that you only learn to cherish the times you've had when they're gone or gonna be gone. Oh well like they always say... Diarrhoea and flu wait for no man!
Er wait... oops. Time and tide wait for no man. Once its gone, its gone.

Enough of emo talk. TIME FOR.... (drumroll please!) DUMB PHILOSOPHIES! (These are the funny ones)

. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

. My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis.

. It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines.

. If at first you don't succeed, don't admit you ever tried.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Whats the world coming to these days?

APPLAUD! Here comes the post that shall waste your time!!!!

2008-12-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD (Always look on the bright side of life....)
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD (Dont worry...be happy!)
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD (Always remember to smile! Even if you're gonna die!)
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XD
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
Haha. Now wasnt that a waste of your time?

Im Back! (sadly)

2008-12-25T05:30:00.000-08:00

NOOOOO!!!!!! THEOLO IS OVER!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! (takes knife and slashes neck and watches as the blood spews everywhere)

Ok relax im not gonna kill myself (as tempting as it is really). Well the long awaited theolo has sadly ended. I reaaaallly miss it and frankly speaking, it feels weird not waking up at 5.55 am, not seeing a big dark dormitory, not dragging myself outta bed and going off to take a shower, not brushing my teeth super fast and not tramping down to the hall for morning prayer, not sharing crazy jokes while eating bread and pledging alliegance to vegemite, not rushing to class and trying to stay awake (for the ones who were tired) or marveling at the interesting lesson, not washing lunch trays whilst watching that disgusting yellow sticky ribbon becoming black with dead flies, not deciding whom will be clearing the trash or not scrubbing toilets. Sigh, it seriously was the funnest experience for me and yet those beautiful 22 days just breezed by just like that. Really found all the lessons very interesting and all the duties were really fun! But, this epic chapter of my life will surely stay as a precious memory in my head (and the fact that I have a textbook, a messy notebook and a random songsheet file will prove it) And just today, we sent off 4 of our friends (2 to Perth, 2 to Taiwan) at the airport. (While I must say that saying goodbye was what we went there for, we spent like what, 2 hours sitting on the floors of T3 playing Uno and Dai Di and not to forget, sleeping to pass time to send off the Perth passengers whose flight was a long way off) In any case, I would gladly go back to theolo anytime rather than stay out here. Sigh....

Now.... LETS SING!! (to the tune of Mary had a little Lamb)

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

This is the song that never never ends,
never never ends,
never never ends!
This is the song that never never ends,
and this is how it goes:

Ok fine I'll stop. Sheesh. Seriously, this is a work of literary art! Though it is not composed by me, BUT IT IS STILL ART. AGREE WITH ME. NOW.

Gah I'm just tired so yeah... (Who wants pi?)

Here's a song (its a real one I assure you) that I like:

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL;
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL;
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL;
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL;
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL;
Oops not this one.

Its this one (this is the REAL one. No seriously it is. Trust me.)

You are my strength when I am weak,
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all~

Seeking You as a precious jewel,
Lord to give I'd be a fool,
You are my all in all!

Ok im not gonna type out he whole song so... hahahaha. (forgive the randomness of the post for I am half asleep now)

Preparing to leave

2008-11-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

Hmm ok, how should I even write this post? I seriously am at a loss at what to write. Hmmm, fine I shall start with what happened over the past few days or weeks. Fine, over the holiday.

First of all, I helped out in the Pre-teens camp A.K.A JY camp. Well I must say, it certainly feels different to be back at that camp as a mentor and helper and not as a camper. The hours were very free and mostly I spent it listening to their lessons and also joining in the activities (like the human knot game in which the brothers took a REALLY long time to complete since all of them joined in the knot) But on Sunday I joined in the visiting during youth service since I couldn't follow with the outdoor activity. Me and Amanda went to visit a fellow member along with a lot of people (well i can only remember Jean, James, Emmalyn, Samantha, Jonathan, Yun Feng, Bro Han Hua, Bro Guo Hua, Bro Derek, Sis Mag, Sis En Hsin...) Ok fine that was almost everyone but I can't really remember. After that we came back to church and we (Jean, Samantha, Emmalyn, Amanda, Yun Feng, Teacher Zshen Chou , Betty and others whom I also can't remember) went to Turf City for lunch. Well Teacher Zshen Chou missed an exit on the PIE so we took a nice trip around Bukit Timah before arriving. Lol. After lunch we went back to church and met with Julia while Yun Feng, Robin, Jonah and Teacher Ben went to scrub the preacher room cupboards with turpentine. And when I went in to see, I was sent to get drinks since I was a "helper" (what on earth la I don't see the logic in THAT) So I bought 'em, came back, got "high" on turpentine (so-called high, im NOT a inhalant abuser), poked Teacher Ben and Yun Feng with a bolster from the preacher room and drank the drinks with 'em. Wheeeeeee... then they went to somewhere la. Back to the camp. It feels sorta weird that you're older and the younger ones are...how should I put this... always wanting to be your friend.(well most of the sisters) Something like that I guess. However after the telematch day, most of the helpers got "evicted" because they could not support so many people, so yeah I left. End of camp.

Then came the homework rushing time. Now I had A LOT of homework. Considering it was already the 19th of November and I had made a promise to finish everything before my cousins came or at most before theolo (which would be 23rd Nov and 2nd Dec respectively) and the fact that I'm VERY easily distracted and spent most of the first part of hols slacking and am VERY lazy, you could say I was doomed to be dead. (Well thats what I felt. And for those crazy ones who say a math paper, math assesment book with dunno how many questions to do, 2 english and 4 chinese essays, a comprehension, a summary and 2 book reviews are not a lot within this short time period, give me a call or tag me so I can knock some sense into you) So I tried my "very best" to concentrate on homework which consisted of doing a few questions and then running off to check the fridge or turning to use the computer. Using this routine and not counting a few days in which 85% of the day was spent going out with my cousins or attending spirtual meeting (which was very fun and enriching by the way), I finally finished off the last of those dumb, irritating, annoying, life-draining, fun-stealing, pieces of nuts which makes you simply marvel at the fact that teachers put you through so much just to make sure they need not refill our rotted brains at the start of school. End of homework phase.

The somewhere in between I went to get my Sec 3 textbooks. Self explantory and not eventful other than my visiting cousins wow-ing at my not-so-glamourous school building. They are so cute sometimes. (What? They're younger than me)

And now I'm here typing this post awaiting tomorrow and still not packed. Oh well I guess I'll slack a little more before I take my own sweet time to pack later. AND MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING!!!! WHEEEEEE! Well I'll just celebrate it during theolo I guess. Wonder what I'll get... Well theolo will be from 2nd December to 24th December and then I shall rest for one day berfore going off for a Youth trip to Batam on the 26th to 28th! By then I guess I'll be very tired but it will be fun I guess since the whole December has been taken. Then I'll come home and die waiting for school. In fact, I don't even know when school will re-open!!! XD WHEEE..... Randomness forever!

Okay its just because I havent eaten lunch yet. Whatever, see you guys (whoever you guys are) in '09! (btw, when you see that this was posted at 11:40 pm on 30th Nov, dont believe it. It was actually posted on 1st Dec at 5:00 pm. My comp's clock is messed up)

Ok the picture was taken from here (and I edited it):

http://images.google.com.sg/imgres?imgurl=http://sixseven.org/skins/3/pikachu.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sgforums.com/forums/2788/topics/292730&usg=__2yc9yf2ODoQdFNSo-jvV7BqusOc=&h=401&w=650&sz=71&hl=en&start=17&um=1&tbnid=6__9PuyEnIRnwM:&tbnh=85&tbnw=137&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpikachu%26imgsz%3Dsmall%257Cmedium%257Clarge%257Cxlarge%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26rls%3DHPAA,HPAA:2006-41,HPAA:en

What? I like Pikachu.

Ok some quiz...

2008-11-24T03:35:00.000-08:00

So I got tagged by Amanda and she says write some weird stuff:

"Rules and regulations: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state the rules clearly. At the end, you need to choose 10 names to be tagged & list their names."

Ok that was copied and pasted from Wyz's blog but nevermind. Sooo... lets start listin some points then!

1. I used to have super good memory when I was little. I could memorise an entire speech. But now I'm your average person that forgets things very easily.

2. I have a superiority complex. I find being belittled EXTREMELY irritating, like someone trying to treat me like a little girl. That I hate. Except if its from my family that I don't really mind I guess...

3. I'm actually a fish!!! No wait a dog!!! A sheep!!! NO I AM.... *sleeps*

4. I love creating things. Be it in-animate objects or digital objects I just love making things. That's why I like handicraft.

5. I like to torture people >=D

6. I like to kill Wyz and Yun Feng. (In a figurative sense ppl im no mass murderer)

7. I don't like soap operas.

8. I don't KNOW what a soap opera is.

9. Im better at talking rubbish than eating chicken.

10. I LOVE MAGGI MEE!!!!!!!! XD

11. I AM IRON MAN!!! (Iron= Fe, Man= male) THEREFORE I AM FEMALE (what a surprise!!!!!!)

12. Im too lazy to tag anyone right now so yeah...

A Meaningful Poem We Should Consider

2008-11-02T05:07:00.000-08:00

Ok lemme explain the situation now.

I was packing for my class chalet tmr when I started to feel lazy and the need for music caught me. So I went to my *ahem* not-really-that-trusty-but-still-trustable-enough desktop and got it out of its screen saver. Bored, I proceeded to look through someones blog and saw an interesting link. It said "Making Time for God". Curious, I clicked on it USING THE MOUSE AND NOT MY HAND and it was redirected to an article on the TJC website. It well talked about making time for God (duh) and I was well looking at it. Then when I scrolled down, I came across a very meaningful poem that I feel I should learn from and share with all of you.

Here it is:

I got up early one morning,
And rushed through the day;
I had so much to accomplish,
That I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,
And heavier came each task;
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered,
He answered, "You didn't ask."

I wanted to see joy and beauty,
But the day toiled on gray and bleak;
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, "But you didn't seek."

I tried to come into God's presence,
I tried every key in the lock;
God gently and lovingly chided,
"My child, you didn't knock."

I woke up early this morning,
And paused before starting the day;
I had so much to accomplish,
That I had to take time to pray.

I feel that this poem reflects very well what happens to us every day be it school, work, toilet cleaning, laundry washing, banana peeling etc. And that it also shows us that all the time, try as we might, we just can't seem to make the day better and everything just keeps messing up. Why? Because we did not pick out time to pray. Yes throughout the whole 16 hours we spend awake we always can't seem to be able to just reserve a few minutes for prayer or Bible reading. Yet when we do pray, we expect that everything must go our way since we prayed to God. Thus this is one thing we all should keep in mind: Prayer is the most important aspect of our life and doing God's will is a task we must undertake and understand.

Ok I know I may sound like I'm suan-ing people and I'm sorry if my tone offends anyone but I really feel that this should be shared. Btw theolos coming! XD
The link for the article is this: http://ia.tjc.org/elibrary/ContentDetail.aspx?ItemID=513

The End??

2008-10-28T19:21:00.001-07:00

Well we all know i have left my blog empty for some time (again..) but thats not really the point here. Ok. Its nearing the end of 2008... and my sec 2 days in 2S2 causing chaos and making ourselves famous in the staff room at school are (sadly) over. I must say though, we have made ourselves quite famous seriously! We constantly irritated teachers but we also became the dark horse with our math EOY results. Oh well. There goes my lower sec days... from here on its gonna be very very siong. My habits of procrastinating and cramming must go. Its like those stinking houseflies around drains. No matter how much you try to shoo them off or even spray a huge can of CFC at them, they still stay there buzzing around that metal cover. (Dont ask me why I used this analogy but it just came to mind) But I really am glad that i got to be part of a really great (but noisy) class. The only thing I regret was that I never opened up to anyone a lot during these 2 years and never wanted to get to know anyone better. My role in the class through these 2 years can be likened to being a social butterfly or whatever its called. I am just going about the class, socialising with any group I happen to be with at the current time. Or sometimes I go to a corner to get some quiet time.

Well i know I've learnt one thing: CFC = chlorofluorocarbons! =D

Now this picture is taken from my most recent trip to Malacca. Which just ended 2 days ago =.= those are my cousins and I miss them... Well that trip was a nice closing to '08 I guess

Final Year Results And Some Extra Stuff

2008-10-17T03:18:00.000-07:00

As I have going hyper like mad since the previous time I posted, it is now time to announce the most important part of the already past exams. Results. Yes results, those little yet supernatural numerics that appear in different places and take different forms. On the paper (the dumb piece of tree pulp infused with powers unimaginable) they are thin, reedy, almost snake-like completely clad in red, a colour symbolising bloodshed. (coming from us when we die at seeing the paper and from the teachers who vomit blood on the paper) Then on the results slip, they are big, bold chunky letters and numbers lined up in neat, unnaturally straight rows forming comments and remarks even. As if mocking us with their tidiness and sarcastic remarks wasn't enough, they form our results, as I said above, the supernatural letters and numerics which can bring about three different reactions :

1) The student upon seeing it jumps about 15 feet into the air (how they do that i will never know) screaming "OH MY GAY I DID IT!!! THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!" And they go around for the rest of the day grinning retardedly at others while hyperventilating at random times. (hes just really happy)

2) The students takes the slip, takes a glance and sighs while giving themselves a sheepish smile and then proceeds to do something else (for those who dont understand what this reaction means its just that the person is satisfied)

3) The student takes one look at the slip and proceeds to the roof (self explanatory)

So you see? The power of these super numbers!

ok fine i sidetracked from the main point of my post. Well i got 58 for lit (vomits), 62 for chinese (vomits again), 73 for english (stumbles and swaggers around), 81 for geog (tries to stand upright), 84 for math (stands up but upper body still swings in circles), and 89 for science (faints and drops on the ground) lol i must say though, it was the first time i have topped the class with my science results and i am quite happy with this results. ok time to start deciding my subject combo...

The 100 question quiz!

2008-10-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.

C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

01. What have you been doing recently? stoning and studying

02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?yes.

03. What happened at 10.00am today? was playing devil may cry 4 on my tablet ^^

04. When did you last cry?don't tell you.

05. Believe in fate/destiny?nope.

06. What do you want in your life right now? a great companion

07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood? i usually forget to bring my umbrella out so i RUN duh

08. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed? bolster.

9. What bottom are you wearing now? shorts. im at home.

10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say? dunno its empty

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated? idk.

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? no.

13. What was the last movie you caught? money no enough 2 (i rarely go out to watch movies)

14. What are you proud of?My ability to talk rubbish

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say? were you listening when said its empty?

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?The Great Escape buy Boys Like Girls. it fitted the mood for after exam atmoshperes

17.Do you have any nicknames? uhhh... Ginny Dog. (came from my primary school friends -.-

18. What does your last received text message say? DANG NABBITS WERE YOU LISTENING?!

19. What time did you go to bed last night? dont remember

20. Are you currently happy? kinda?

21. Who gives you best advice?my mom

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?nvr tasted it before

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?no one.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?my stomach asking for breakfast

25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh? Yun Feng, with his dumb idea of dogs reading tracts =.=

26. Do you wear toe socks?nope.

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?dont rmb

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?many times.

29. What annoys you most in a person?lotsa stuff.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone? what do you think.

31. Have you ever done cocaine? heck no.

32. What is the colour of your room?A light shade of green

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars? -.-

34. Do you believe in the saying of : talk is cheap? not really considering its so expensive to just use the phone...

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed? myself duh

36. Who was the last person to hug you? dont get alot of hugs

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed? i haven't kissed anyone. -.-

38. Do you have a life? yes.

39. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didnt die? no im not that much of sadist...

40. What is the reason behind your profile song? dont have one

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream? someone. wont tell you.

42. Last time you smiled? yesterday.

43. Have you changed this year?probably.

44. What are you listening right now? the sounds of the keyboard keys going down and the annoying lift construction outside....

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this? no. theres no one to talk to

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?-.- what do you think.

47. Is there a quote you live by? not really but i could be "do not sin"

48. Do you want someone you cannot have? yes?

49. Have you ever played an instrument? yea. pianoooo.

50. What was the worst idea you've had in this week? wanting to go out with someone without telling my parents...but i did anyways and thats why im doing this quiz

51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?sleeping...

52. Are you happy with your love life right now? dont have one

53. What song best describe your love life? idk.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her? o.o no

55. Who always make you laugh?my dog

56. Do you speak other language other than English? yea, chinese lah and a bit of hokkien

57. Favourite website(s)? youtube, blogger, wikipedia

58. What's your middle name? dont have one

59. What are you doing tomorrow? stoning at home

60. What do you think you are like? a loser

61. Who will you choose to die with? my husband if i ever have one

62. Where have you been today?home

63. What game do you play often?Spore.

64. Who are you missing right now?wont tell you.

65. If you have to choose between friendship and love, who will you choose? depends on which side is actin more like a jerk at the moment

66. What are you doing right now?this 100 question quiz thing

67. Which primary school are you from? Rulang Pri

68. Name 3 colours that you like?black, white and blue

69. What emotion do you like to show?happiness.

70. What is your life to you? not very enlightening at the moment, but full of surprises.

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do? keep quiet.

72. Who did you last chat in msn today? As i said theres no one to talk to yet...

73. Who do you admire most?God

74. Which month are you born in?December

75. How are you feeling right now?bored

76. What is the time now?9.32 am

77. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is? nobody did.

78.What colour did you use to dye hair?i never dyed my hair before.

79. Why are you doing this test?because im bored

80. What do you do when you're moody?not say a word.

81. At which age you wish to get married? 24 maybe? not too late.

82. Who is more important to you?family.

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?talk to all them important people in my life.

84. Who is the person you trust the most?my mom

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?hardly.

86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be? dunno

87. What is your goal for this year? go to theolo

88. Do you believe in eternity love? idk.

89. What feeling do you love most? being happy.

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now? yea i guess

91.What feeling do you hate the most?worried-ness.

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?the close ones, yea.

93. Do you believe in God? of course

94. Who cares for you most?God.

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?God, family&friends. studies is kinda bleh compared to all those stuff.

96. What will you bring when you fight? a metal pole

97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?lotsa stuff ):

98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you? like dying.

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you? idk, break?

100. HOW DO U FEEL NOW? stupid.

IT IS FINISHED!

2008-10-08T17:28:00.001-07:00

YAHOOOO EXAMS ARE OVER! HARDY HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR (takes deep breath) HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR (dies laughing)

Ok fine I'm not really dead yet... well on to a proper way of presenting a post. Yes my exams are finally over. The long awaited rest has finally arrived! (those out there who are still having papers please dont kill me) And so to commemerate this day, I shall post a few quizzes im taking: (ps these ppl are placed in random order)

1. Amanduu Low (my most random and blur friend =D
2. Yun Feng (sry man but there aint no way a dog's gonna read the tacts...
3. My Bro (*pokes*
4. Amanda Chin (you are seriosly gonna die man -.-
5. Liping
6. Cleo
7. Meiqi
8. Le-yi (i rmbed your hyphen ^^
9. Elaine
10. My Grandma
11. Shi Sang
12. Kejia
13. Annabella
14. Rebecca
15. Eunice
16. Rayna
17. Jasmine
18. Wyz (you are gonna pay for that murder in our battle
19. Wilson
20. Jasper
21. Ang Moh Kevin (lol you got any new songs to recommend?
22. Jean
23. My mom
24. My dad
25. Hui Ting jie jie ^^
26. Qi Hui kor kor ^^
27. Wei Jie
28. Wei Ru
29. Wei Zhang
30. Janice Wong Ying Ying (you blur queen

Who is #9 to you? My classmate who's really pro in lit

Does #12 have a hot older brother? WHAT THE FISH no.

Would you make out with #2? OHMYGAY FISHSTICKS NO WAY (sry yun feng your name happened to be there >_<

What about #13? -.- im straight thank you very much

Is #1 your best friend? amamduu... of course!

Is #3 cute? (PLARGHHHHHH) *vomits blood on the floor*

How about #5? if you define cute as super blur then i suppose so

Or #23? Yup. Shes my mom. whaddya expect?

How did you meet #4? =.= at church duh

And #18? refer to previous qns

Did you ever go out with #20? nope

Or #28? =.= shes in malaysia man... but when we visit we do!

Do you hug #8 all the time? =.= more like she hugs me....

How about #15? not really shes my cousin for crying out loud

Or #25? yup

Do you feel sorry for #11? what for?

Have you ever told #14 you loved them? -.- no

Would #6 and #10 make a good couple? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no way (sry cleo...)

How about #16 and #27? they dont even know that the other exists.....

#17 and #22? NO WAY THEY ARE STRAIGHT

Does #6 drink coffee 24/7? yes

What is #9 addicted to? reading books

Which # would you look best with? nobody (cos im a loser) but friends wise it would be quite a number... like #1, #2, #3, #4....

What # would #5 date? nobody either

What about #16? no way

or #27? ....

1 word to describe #7? sotong

#2? hmm...funny? weird? crazy? whose boredom can result in scary ideas? i dunno. i stink at summaries

#26? Hilarious

lol i reallly promise that thos ppl were in random order

Stressed!

2008-09-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

Urgh recently people have been telling me that I look stressed. And telling me that I should take it easy. I know they mean well, but how can I be stressed if:

I am eating a lot more than usual during meals

I am also losing my appetite at times

I can't seem to relax properly

I get very irritated at the slightest remark (good or bad)

I seem to always want to talk to someone or go out (given the fact that i usually hate doing this)

I am bent on wanting to disappear from existence

I always look tired

I have dark circles under my eyes

I may crack any moment

I start shouting at the most random of times

I am constantly complaining

I want to beat up any living thing that happens to irritate me at the moment

Given all these symptoms, how can I be stressed??? Seriously? *shrugs*

I'm all washed up

2008-09-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

Sigh, my holidays were not a holiday at all. As usual, I had a ton of work to do. Had to go back to school as well for a computer course (see i told you so!) We learned to use this cool new software called Microsoft Expression. Its so new that not many heard of it. And we had to do C# programming as well...killed my head but its similar to actionscript so after awhile I got used to it. sigh i'm completely exhausted.
Managed to climb over the railings to the roof at church and spent some time emo-ing there. Really nice spot but it kinda attracts attention so I'll only go if there's really little people around. The last time i did that at camp my friends thought i was committing suicide. =.= (well not that i don't wanna die early but i wouldn't throw myself down 2 storeys and expect to die right?) And again I got teased by my friends, they all think I have a boyfriend! DUDES, PEOPLE. BEAR THIS IN MIND. I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO OTHERS PROPERLY DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE SO LUCKY! sheesh.

Evangelism week!

2008-08-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hey all! This here's an open invitation!

My church (True Jesus Church) will be having an evangelism week. Here are the times and topics for the week:

Wed 3rd Sep 08 (7.30 pm)
Did Jesus really rise from the dead?
(Non-christians)

Fri 5th Sep 08 (7.30 pm)
Why so many churches?
(Christians+Non-christians)

Both are dual language (English & chinese), and the services are at 17 D Adam Road.

For my friends out there, I am sorry to announce that I cannot come for the friday one as I have tuition (yes its very annoying) at night. Anyway, those interested in coming are free to come. And if im there on that day, I shall treat you to food! Haha, jkjk. But seriously, don't get your hopes up. Its not like I'll have money to treat people for meals.

Oh the irony...

2008-08-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

Ah shoot. The holidays are coming. Now all of you must be thinking: Rachel! Are you nuts? Are you insane? Have you gone crazy? Its the holidays for crying out loud! You're supposed to be out with your friends or causing mayhem in the house or just have some plain fun, not pouting as if its the end of the world! Well too bad. I have a ton of homework(that shall soon come actually), exams (yes, exams. hard to believe that those pieces of paper actually have enough power in them to cause depression, stress and worse, suicidal thoughts and attempts!) and last of all, an intensive computer workshop course (which i fear my friends, may come my way and ultimately kill me if it does). Though half of the stuff and situations mentioned above may or may not happen to me, I must prepare for the worst,for i saw the "signs" leading to these events.

One: the workshop. All selected sec 1 and 2 com club members are to go unless theres a valid reason.
Signs: All sec 1s can't come, i have no reason to not come, half of the sec 2 population in com club come from my class.
Two: the homework. Well standard rule: Do or die.
Signs: WELL ITS HOLIDAY OF COURSE THERE'LL BE WORK. AND C'MON, MY EXAMS ARE COMING. *raises hands in exasperation*
Three: the Final Year Exam (a.k.a streaming/screaming exam). My future and future exams lie in the hands of me and those merciless pieces of pulp that is processed to become what we know as paper.
Signs: Self explanatory. (If you can't see the logic behind this sign, consult your doctor)

So you see? Im gonna die this holiday (as much as i look forward to it) and the only luxury i'll have is the luxury of being able to sleep late, rise late and do whatever I want with my time in between.

But hey, evangelistic service is starting too. I pray that I can find the time to come and also to continue my daily prayer sessions regularly. Praise the Lord for giving me today, and my A2 for english! =D heehee.

(Psalms 23:4)- Yea, though I walk through the valley and shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Oh no

2008-08-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

Graah. Can't go to school today.
Why, you ask?
Because I had to be stupid and not eat.
Yes. Ever had the feeling that you didn't feel like cosuming anything, and just wasting your stomach away on that particular day, depriving it of its function? Yup that feeling came to me yesterday during recess and two days ago for dinner. And now, im having gastric pain and im extremely tired. Oh well. i really shouldn't do this to myself.

Intermission

2008-08-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

And yet again, i have received my glorious science paper from the hands of Ms Ho, my physics teacher. And POOF! 35/40! its 87.5 marks man! and that brings my tally of A1's up to 3. (the others are DnT and maths) and my average for maths and science is.......82.5%! hehe.Very happy. But this is no time to slack! i have 2 more papers to collect, and i have a feeling they're not gonna be good... also my first FYE (aka my streaming exam) paper is on 19 sep. THE BATTLE AIN'T OVER! THIS IS BUT A SMALL INTERMISSION TO THE REAL FIGHT! ONWARD GO!!!!! Thank God for giving me these beautiful results, gonna share this news with everyone. But as i said in the caps lock, it is not over yet. I must still study hard and get (hopefully) better results so as to fufill my dream of going into a double science class. I will not take the triple science option, even with a choice to. I mean, why give yourselfthe stress of having to balance ALL THREE sciences? Yes I like science, but not that much (seriously!) I'll probably go for physics and chem... ahh whatever. I'll just study hard,try my best and see what I get. The best option when you are unsure is to wait and see, and keep your options open. 我不可半途而废，要向前行。所谓：百尺竿头，更进一步。lol. Can't wait to go to church again.

My future (this is just a random title)

2008-08-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

Yay. Finally got my first paper back. Man, can't believe that even with a nosebleed, i managed to ace that test! 81 2/3 out of a 100 man! WOOT. (ok fine i used a calculator) hmmm... my prayer life has been slipping alot for the past few years, and strictly speaking, i'm worried. I find that my dependency on my friends is not good for me. I hope i can grow up soon, be independant and hopefully get a good job (note: good job DOES NOT=high paying job) and take care of my parents and family. also i will be able to lead my own life, no longer bound to the confines of my house, free to roam the streets to unearthly hours (dun worry mum, i wont go too far) and probably find a companion to share life with. But then again i still prefer to stay under my parents wings, away from tax, ERP, GST, PUB bills, stressful work life etc. hehe. Had a good chat with Yun Feng yesterday. May God bless us all. I will continue to watch and pray, 因主会来接我回家.

Freedom has never been so dumb

2008-08-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

Great. I have finished my common test. It may seem like the end of a looongg stressful day and this is the part where every student will scream and cheer. But its not! MY DUMB FINAL YEAR PAPERS ARE A MONTH AWAY. Sigh... just after I finished a rally of papers that almost (and i mean almost) caused me to die and slip into depression (ok the latter is not true its just for emphasis but you get my point). But after the FYE... thats when my brother is gonna die (hehehe) cos i will have 3 months of rest! have to hang in there now...

Still not there yet

2008-08-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

Ok fine. Theres a huge gap i left here and yes i know its been awhile since i updated this. well its not my fault (well not entirely). i just went for a grp study today with a couple of friends and well i enjoyed it though 1/3 of the time is spent talking rubbish. (cmon, whats a grp study without a little chit chat?) and now back at home im left to slog out geography and try to understand why we have to learn how oil palms are cultivated. (its not like i want to become a gardener but its in the book anyway...it should be in the book for gardening courses) sometimes i just wish i can become a piece of mud and just sit on the floor and dont do anything... but then again, life will be dull without all these books and people (im referring to my friends) well my common test start tmr and yes im quite prepared (with the exception of english & chinese, the 2 subjects that can never be prepared for). haha and my bro is gonna plan more grp studies! better tell amanda and yun feng soon...

Time really flies

2008-07-09T19:24:00.001-07:00

Ok... time to fill in the huge blank i left here for so long!

First of all, my so called buddy search has been called off (as expected) well, mainly cos i was too busy to go round asking people if they want to study. lol. But, it is good to solo every now and then... (i mean, you can't always be too dependant on everyone right?)I really hope I'll grow up soon.......

Next, I have just made a dicovery a few days ago....... THE THEOLO TIME TABLE IS OUT! XD (its on the TJC website)

Yes, the theolo I have been waiting for for almost a year (an impatience spurred by the wonderful tales of theolo my big bro told me last year... shame on him for making me sooo excited & impatient) has finally shown its first sign of arrival! Yes, time really flies. I still remember during January, I was excited and began (a very slow) countdown to theolo and bible sem. I was quite sad at first, cos theolo seemed so far away back then (it still is now though... but closer at least).

When the news of the time table reached me, I then realised how fast time has passed over the past 7 months (C'mon, 7 months is a long time) And my first reaction to the news was "WHAT?! REALLY?! WOOOHOOO!!!!!!" and yeah chaos ensued... was too happy... gonna start another countdown soon! Who wants to join me?

Sigh... And the sign of theolo arriving means my exams are coming soon too. oh well, we gotta taste the bitter first before enjoying the sweet right?

I really thank God to be able to have come this far (well 14 years is a lot more than 7 months...) and taking care of me, and to also experience the joy of learning about Him (in Bible Sem, and Theolo soon to come!)

Here's a few closing verses to help us all:

(Philip 4:6-7) - Be anxoius for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

(Heb 4:14-16) - Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son Of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

(Ps 118:6) - "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

Mugging anyone?

2008-06-24T01:28:00.002-07:00

ah.... its hard to believe that half a year has passed just like that and Im now onto a new semester. new subjects (physics, geog, music... im only saying they're new cos i studied chem, bio, art & history last semester), new teachers and new situations that friends, homework and studies put you in. (lol this is beginning to sound like a first day @ sch post). well, this semester will pass by as quickly as the previous one. but this semester is gonna be a VERY busy one. i have a total of only 2 1/2 months (i think, but its about there lah) to rush through the remaining syllabus and study for them too. therefore....

Its Time To Start Mugging Big Time!

now this will be (sadly) a hard task for me, for i am far too used to being a crammer and yes that has led to the deprovement of certain subjects. So I'm now sourcing for good study buddies! I really can't study alone. i either get too bored or too distracted by my surroundings (a.k.a my desktop, tablet, dog, brother, snacks and other hoo-ha you find in the house), so i need people to study with me! it keeps me in check, for when i see everyone else studying i get very paiseh & will force myself to study too =D so my sourcing will start soon, probably focusing around people in church (well, i have friends there that have been with me for about 14 years!). this may sound a bit CCA selection-ish (or maybe im just a little too serious about this), but those who live near me or have free time after youth service, or are able to really concentrate (and not get distracted like me or by my rubbish-talk) are welcome to study with me at any place! Hopefully i'll get a response, becos i usually don't or can't get one. T.T I'll start by asking the JY people, then maybe i'll ask some Upper Pri or IY ones along. but im not that optimistic and im not expecting more than 2 responses..... sad isn't it? oh well. there are times whr you just have to solo things anyway.

It is over

2008-06-08T23:12:00.000-07:00

the bible seminar i have waited for for the past half a year is now over. i have learned so much about God and His word. i also made alot of new friends with the TK, Adam and Sembawang people. And this year i was made keyholder for the girls dorms. :D i was also leader for duty group 4 along with Zi Chao. i enjoyed it so much. i still feel the name tag strap around my neck though... this is weird. i will miss this years camp. on to theolo and next year's!

PARTY TIME

2008-05-07T03:46:00.000-07:00

YES! and the mid years have ended! time to... sit down and slack

And...

2008-05-05T21:45:00.000-07:00

alas i have one final paper left to do. well considering the fact that i have worked my butt off , i may need to rest before i can party. AND I GOT A NEW CAMCORDER!!!!!! Im now spending time taking random pictures and videos.

And I have officially (after 3 years of playing it) quit Badminton to join Maya. Ive gotten in too. though i will miss my friends and the times we've had.

Nooooo..... Mid Years

2008-05-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

Ok i have been working my butt off for the past few months and now im almost done with mid years! given the fact that bible seminar is not far off im gonna chiong this through

uwaaahhhh

2008-03-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

Just finished prisoner of azkaban weeks ago and now i have order of the phoenix! lol bored and i still habe homework...

knitting is fun but...

2008-02-28T02:56:00.000-08:00

cleo taught me how to knit! but its driving me crazy better leave it for tmr... TPC IN 2 DAYS TIME!!!!!

wait there is a bright side though

2008-02-24T00:59:00.001-08:00

IM GETTING MY TPC ON SATURDAY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IM SOOOO HAPPY i had to wait like ONE WHOLE YEAR to get it and im gonna get it soon! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

common test has started...

2008-02-24T00:41:00.000-08:00

now that its the middle of these tests i am bound to die of stress, exhaustion, boredom etc.... because of studying! im gonna fail history noooooo!!!! THEN I'LL BE HISTORY!!!! ahhhhh and i can't get help either! im gonna die better start writing my will... then i'll move out of the country and change my name... or i can just sit in front of my computer screen and hope for the best. teachers made me soo stressed arrghh i dont like it when im stressed by them. but they're teachers. its their JOB to stress us so we can study harder. sigh i'll have to continue studying now...

YES! CNY!!!

2008-02-01T00:17:00.000-08:00

Ha! i have successfully bluffed my way through my tests! i am going to malaysia tmr meaning skipping a whole week of school! we thrashed two schools in badminton but got thrashed by one, all 5-0! But the homework... NOOOOOO

Test! NOOOOO

2008-01-23T02:39:00.000-08:00

ahhh i have a history test tmr!!!!!! nvm ive made notes. AHHHHH lit test on fri!!!! nvm nothing to study since its unseen. watched avatar for entertainment :D
my competition is on friday!!! Can't wait to skip 3 WHOLE HOURS of class! once again we made fun of ads on the way back home. lets hope we win! and saturday is coming!!! CHURCH!!!! i want to buy a camera but my parents won't allow it. oh well

The F.O.C day

2008-01-22T04:38:00.000-08:00

woohoo! me and cleo managed to finish our math early and went for early recess the second time! ha! Today i went for learning ourney and like last year it was'nt really very interesting, coz its the HDB hub we went to. Of course we were frantically taking photos! But on the way home on the MRT, me and my friends were talking so much crap i was laughing every second. its was crazy in a fun way.

The year Begins

2008-01-21T03:09:00.000-08:00

it may be the 3rd week of school already but still i feel like a sec 1 student. the year has passed so quickly i can't even recall my first day @ school last year. oh well i will just have to follow my resolutions(if i can) -_-